Types of Communication

There are three main types of communication styles: passive, aggressive, and assertive. Each of these styles influences how we interact with others and how our messages are received. Let’s take a closer look at each one:

Passive Communication

Passive communicators often avoid expressing their thoughts, feelings, or needs. They may stay quiet in situations where they feel uncomfortable, agree to things they don't want to do, or fail to set clear boundaries. This style often stems from a desire to avoid conflict or to keep the peace, but it can lead to frustration, resentment, and a lack of fulfillment over time.

• Impact on Relationships: When someone communicates passively, their needs may go unmet, and they can start to feel invisible or unheard. This can create distance in relationships, as others might not fully understand what they want or how they feel. Over time, the passive communicator may feel overwhelmed by unexpressed emotions, which can lead to a sudden outburst or withdrawal.

Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communicators express their thoughts, feelings, or needs in a forceful or dominating way, often at the expense of others. They may raise their voice, interrupt, or dismiss other people’s opinions. Aggressive communication is often driven by a need to be in control or to win an argument, but it can damage relationships and push people away.

• Impact on Relationships: Aggressive communication can create fear, tension, and conflict. Others may feel disrespected, hurt, or intimidated, which can lead to strained relationships. While aggressive communicators may get their way in the short term, their relationships can suffer from a lack of trust and emotional safety.

Assertive Communication

Assertive communicators strike a balance between expressing their needs and respecting the needs of others. They are direct, honest, and clear about their feelings and boundaries while remaining respectful and open to feedback. Assertiveness encourages mutual respect and understanding.

• Impact on Relationships: Assertive communication fosters healthy, balanced relationships. It allows both parties to feel heard and respected, which builds trust and deepens connections. By being assertive, you are more likely to resolve conflicts peacefully, strengthen your relationships, and ensure that your own needs are met without stepping on others' boundaries.

Practising Effective Communication

Now that we’ve explored the different communication styles, let’s dive into some strategies to help you communicate more effectively—whether you’re trying to be more assertive or simply want to improve your overall communication skills.

1. Practice Active Listening

One of the most important aspects of effective communication is not just talking, but listening. Active listening means fully focusing on what the other person is saying without interrupting or planning your response while they’re speaking. Make eye contact, nod to show you're engaged, and summarize what they’ve said to ensure you’ve understood correctly.

For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because you weren’t heard in the meeting. Is that right?” This shows the other person that you value their perspective and are making an effort to understand them.

2. Use "I" Statements

When expressing your feelings, focus on your own experience rather than blaming the other person. "I" statements help prevent the listener from feeling attacked, which can reduce defensiveness and keep the conversation open.

For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard in our conversations.” This shifts the focus from what the other person is doing wrong to how their behavior impacts you.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Assertive communication involves setting boundaries—knowing what you’re comfortable with and clearly expressing those limits. Setting boundaries might sound difficult, but it’s key to maintaining healthy relationships. For instance, if a colleague frequently interrupts your work with non-urgent requests, you might say, “I’m happy to help, but can we schedule a time to discuss this so I can focus on my current task?”

Clear boundaries help you protect your time and energy while showing others what you’re okay with and what you’re not.

4. Stay Calm and Manage Your Emotions

Effective communication is much easier when emotions are in check. If you’re feeling angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe and calm down before responding. You might need to step away from the conversation and return to it once you’re feeling more level-headed.

Communicating when you’re calm allows you to think more clearly, respond more thoughtfully, and avoid saying something you might regret later.

5. Be Open to Feedback

Assertive communication isn’t just about expressing your own needs—it’s also about being open to hearing the other person’s perspective. Show that you’re willing to listen and consider feedback, even if it’s uncomfortable. This openness creates a balanced conversation where both people feel valued and respected.

For example, after expressing your feelings, you might ask, “What do you think?” or “How do you feel about this?” Inviting the other person’s input shows that you care about their viewpoint and are interested in finding a mutual solution.

6. Focus on Finding Solutions

When conflicts arise, it’s easy to get stuck in a blame game. Instead of focusing on who’s right or wrong, shift the conversation toward finding a solution. This helps move things forward in a productive way and strengthens relationships by showing that you're committed to working together.

For instance, if you and your partner are arguing about how to divide household chores, instead of pointing fingers, you might say, “Let’s figure out a system that works for both of us.” This approach fosters cooperation and problem-solving.

Assertive Communication Tool

DEAR MAN is an acronym that can help you communicate assertively. Using this skill, you can learn to express your needs and wants in a way that is respectful to yourself and others, increasing the likelihood of positive outcomes.

Describe

Describe the situation objectively. This means sticking to the facts by avoiding opinion and interpretation. The goal is to get everyone on the same page.

Emotion

Let others know how a situation makes you feel by clearly expressing your feelings. Don’t expect others to read your mind. Try using this line: “I feel ___ because ___.”

Assert

Don’t beat around the bush—say what you need to say. Don’t say: “Oh, well, I don’t know if I can cook tonight or not.” Do say: “I won’t be able to cook because I’m working late.”/ "I would appreciate it if you could...

Reinforce

Reward people who respond well, and reinforce why your desired outcome is positive. This can be as simple as a smile and a “thank you”.

Mindful

Reward people who respond well, and reinforce why your desired outcome is positive. This can be as simple as a smile and a “thank you”.

Act Confident

Appear confident. Consider your posture, tone, eye contact, and body language.

Negotiate

No one can have everything they want out of an interaction all the time. Be open to negotiation. Do say: “If you wash the dishes, I’ll put them away.”

Final Thoughts

Effective communication is a skill that takes practice, but it’s worth the effort. Whether you're learning to be more assertive, improving your listening skills, or finding new ways to express yourself, good communication strengthens relationships, builds trust, and reduces conflict.

If you find that communication is a challenge in your personal or professional life, our clinic is here to help. Our therapists can guide you through strategies for improving communication, setting boundaries, and fostering healthier relationships. Remember, communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about connecting.