What is Distress Tolerance?

Distress tolerance is about getting through difficult moments without turning to harmful coping strategies or reacting impulsively. It’s not about getting rid of your feelings or pretending they don’t exist—it’s about learning how to sit with discomfort, ride the emotional wave, and come out the other side feeling more in control.

We all experience distress from time to time, whether it’s a heated argument with a loved one, pressure at work, or dealing with a personal loss. Distress tolerance skills help us navigate these rough patches in a way that promotes emotional resilience and reduces the urge to engage in behaviors that might create bigger problems, like lashing out or avoiding important responsibilities.

Why is Distress Tolerance Important?

When we don’t have the tools to handle distress, we might respond in ways that ultimately make things worse. This could look like shutting down, becoming overly emotional, or engaging in impulsive actions like overeating, drinking, or saying things we regret. Over time, this can damage relationships, impact our mental health, and lead to feelings of shame or guilt.

Distress tolerance helps break that cycle. By building your ability to tolerate discomfort, you can make clearer, more thoughtful decisions even when emotions run high. It doesn’t mean you’re trying to "fix" the situation right away; instead, it’s about managing how you feel in the moment so you can respond in a healthier way.

Practical Distress Tolerance Strategies

So, how do you manage distress in the moment? Here are some tried-and-true strategies that can help:

1. The "STOP" Skill

When emotions start to overwhelm you, remember to STOP:

• Stop what you’re doing. Just pause for a moment.

• Take a step back. Give yourself some space to breathe.

• Observe what’s going on. What are you feeling? What are your thoughts?

• Proceed mindfully. Choose a thoughtful way to move forward.

This skill helps you interrupt an emotional spiral before it gets out of control, giving you the chance to reflect and make a conscious decision about how to act next.

2. Self-Soothing

When distress hits, finding ways to calm your body and mind can be incredibly helpful. Self-soothing is all about engaging your five senses to ground yourself in the present moment and bring comfort during tough times. Some ideas include:

• Sight: Look at something calming or beautiful, like nature or a photo that brings you joy.

• Sound: Listen to soothing music, nature sounds, or even a favorite podcast.

• Smell: Light a scented candle, use essential oils, or breathe in a calming scent like lavender.

• Taste: Sip on a warm tea or savor a small piece of dark chocolate mindfully.

• Touch: Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket, hold a soft object, or take a warm bath.

These simple actions help activate the body’s relaxation response, making it easier to handle distressing emotions.

3. Distraction

When emotions feel overwhelming, temporarily distracting yourself can help create some emotional distance. The key is to choose healthy distractions that engage your mind and body, giving you a break from the emotional intensity. You might try:

• Going for a walk or doing light exercise.

• Watching a favorite TV show or movie.

• Calling or texting a friend to chat.

• Working on a hobby like knitting, drawing, or cooking.

The idea is not to avoid your feelings forever but to give yourself a little space to breathe before coming back to address the issue at hand.

4. Radical Acceptance

One of the hardest parts of distress is feeling like we can’t change or control what’s happening. Radical acceptance is about fully acknowledging the reality of the situation without judgment or resistance. It’s not about giving up or agreeing with what’s happening—it’s about accepting things as they are in the moment.

For example, if you’re dealing with a sudden life change, you might think, “I wish this wasn’t happening.” Radical acceptance would involve shifting your perspective to, “This is happening, and I can’t change it right now, but I can control how I respond to it.” By accepting reality, we reduce the emotional suffering that comes from fighting against it.

5. TIPP Skill - Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing, Progressive Muscle Relaxation

The TIPP skill is great when you’re in a state of high emotional distress and need to calm down quickly:

• Temperature: Cool down by splashing cold water on your face or holding a cold pack. This helps activate your body’s relaxation response.

• Intense exercise: Do a few minutes of high-intensity exercise like jumping jacks or running in place. This releases built-up energy and can help lower emotional arousal.

• Paced breathing: Take slow, deep breaths. Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and exhale for four seconds. This helps slow your heart rate and calm your mind.

Using TIP can help bring you back to a more balanced state when emotions are peaking.

Final Thoughts

Distress tolerance is a valuable skill set for anyone looking to manage difficult emotions without making things worse. By learning how to pause, soothe yourself, and ride out intense feelings, you’ll build emotional resilience and create space for healthier responses to life’s challenges.

Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. If you’re struggling to manage distress on your own or need support in building these skills, our clinic is here for you. Together, we can work on strategies that empower you to face difficult emotions with confidence and compassion.