What Are Thoughts?

Thoughts are the mental chatter that goes on in our minds. They are ideas, opinions, and interpretations about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Some thoughts can be fleeting, like a passing worry about tomorrow’s weather, while others can be more persistent, especially when we’re dealing with difficult emotions or stressful situations.

It’s important to remember that thoughts are just thoughts—they are not facts. Our mind is constantly trying to make sense of the world, and sometimes it generates thoughts that are inaccurate, unhelpful, or simply not true.

Negative Interpretation Bias

Our brains are wired for survival, and part of that wiring includes a natural tendency to focus on potential threats or problems. This is known as the negative interpretation bias. Thousands of years ago, this bias helped our ancestors stay safe by paying more attention to dangers in their environment. However, in today’s world, where we aren’t constantly facing life-threatening situations, this tendency can sometimes cause us to fixate on negative thoughts or interpret situations in a more negative way than necessary.

For example, if you get an email from your boss asking to meet, your brain might automatically jump to, "I must be in trouble" or "They’re going to fire me," even if there’s no real evidence to support those thoughts.

While this negative bias can be helpful in keeping us alert to danger, it can also lead to unnecessary worry, stress, and emotional pain if we always take these thoughts at face value.

Unhelpful Ways to Relate to Thoughts

When we experience painful thoughts, it’s easy to get caught up in them. Here are some common unhelpful ways we relate to our thoughts, which can lead to more emotional distress and cause us to act in ways that don’t align with who we want to be:

• Rumination: This is when we repeatedly think about a distressing thought or situation without making progress toward resolving it. Rumination often keeps us stuck in negative emotions like anxiety or sadness, rather than helping us find solutions.

• Believing Thoughts as True: When we take our thoughts at face value, especially negative ones, we might believe them to be facts. For example, if you think, “I’m not good enough,” you may start to believe that this is an absolute truth, even though it’s just a thought and not necessarily accurate.

• Cognitive Fusion: Cognitive fusion happens when we become so caught up in our thoughts that we lose perspective. We might confuse our thoughts with reality, making it hard to step back and see the bigger picture. When we fuse with negative thoughts, we might make decisions or behave in ways that don’t reflect our true values.

Helpful Ways to Relate to Thoughts

The good news is, there are ways to relate to our thoughts that are much more helpful and allow us to break free from the emotional pain they can cause. Here are five strategies for managing painful thoughts in a healthier way:

Noticing the Thoughts

The first step in managing painful thoughts is noticing that you have thoughts. Often we are completely unaware of the commentary running through our mind each moment of each day. Noticing your thoughts involves becoming aware of the thoughts without automatically reacting to them. To help you practise this skill you can keep a thought diary.

Noticing Unhelpful Thinking Patterns

Once you’ve noticed the thought, the next step is to identify any unhelpful thinking patterns that might be at play. Unhelpful thinking patterns are biased ways of thinking that can lead to negative emotions and behaviours. These patterns distort reality and often result in heightened stress, anxiety, or depression. By recognising these patterns, you can begin to challenge and change them. Here are some common unhelpful thinking patterns:

1. Catastrophising: Expecting the worst-case scenario to happen, even if it's unlikely. For example, thinking, "If I make a mistake, I’ll lose my job."

2. Black-and-White Thinking: Seeing things in extremes, with no middle ground. You may view situations or people as either "all good" or "all bad." For example, "If I’m not perfect, I’m a complete failure."

3. Overgeneralisation: Making broad conclusions based on a single event. For example, after one rejection, thinking, "I’m always going to be rejected."

4. Personalisation: Blaming yourself for events that are beyond your control. For example, "It’s my fault that the project failed, even though I wasn’t responsible for all aspects of it."

5. Mental Filtering: Focusing only on the negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positive. For example, dwelling on one critical comment and disregarding the praise you received.

6. Should Statements: Using rigid, unrealistic expectations like "I should" or "I must," which can lead to guilt or frustration when they aren't met. For example, "I should always be calm."

7. Emotional Reasoning: Believing that your emotions reflect reality. For example, "I feel anxious, so something bad must be about to happen."

8. Jumping to Conclusions: Making assumptions without evidence. This can take two forms:

   • Mind Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking. For example, "They didn’t reply to my text, so they must be mad at me."

   • Fortune Telling: Predicting the future negatively. For example, "I know this presentation is going to go terribly."

By recognising these patterns, you can begin to see that your thoughts may not be entirely accurate or helpful.

Challenging the Thought

After identifying unhelpful thinking patterns, you can start to challenge the thought. Ask yourself:

• What evidence do I have that this thought is true?

• Is there any evidence that suggests this thought might not be true?

• How might I view this situation if I were feeling calmer or more objective?

By questioning the thought, you can often come up with more balanced, realistic alternatives. For example, instead of thinking “I’m not good enough,” you might reframe the thought as “I’m doing the best I can, and I have skills I can improve.”

Cognitive Defusion

Cognitive defusion is a technique that helps you separate yourself from your thoughts, so they don’t have as much control over you. Instead of fusing with the thought, you can practice seeing it as just one of many mental events. You might try saying, “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough,” instead of “I’m not good enough.” This small shift can help you see the thought for what it is—a temporary mental event, not a statement of fact.

Another way to practice defusion is by imagining your thoughts as clouds passing by in the sky. You can notice the thought, but let it float away without holding onto it.

Refocusing Your Attention on the Present Moment

When painful thoughts start to take over, one of the best things you can do is to refocus your attention on the present moment. Mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on your breath, engaging your senses, or paying attention to what’s happening around you, can help bring you back to the here and now. By doing this, you shift your focus away from the thought and into the present, which can help reduce the emotional intensity of the thought.

Final Thoughts

Painful thoughts are a normal part of life, but how we relate to them can make a big difference in how we feel and how we act. By learning to notice, challenge, and defuse from painful thoughts, and by refocusing on the present moment, you can reduce their emotional impact and make choices that are more in line with who you want to be.

If you’re finding it difficult to manage painful thoughts on your own, our clinic is here to help. We can work with you to develop strategies that help you relate to your thoughts in a healthier way and live a life that reflects your values.