What is Anger?

Anger is an emotional response to something we perceive as wrong or unjust. It can range from mild irritation to intense rage, and it’s often tied to feelings of frustration, hurt, or disappointment. While anger is natural, it becomes a problem when it starts to negatively impact our behaviour, relationships, or health.

We can notice the emotion of anger in terms of our thoughts, feelings, body sensations and behaviours.

You may notice thoughts such as “this is not fair” "or “this should not have happened” or “I should not be treated this way”.

You may notice feelings of irritability, frustration, hostility, hatred, hurt or madness.

You may notice in your body that you experience lots of energy. When we are angry our sympathetic nervous system or fight and flight system is activated, releasing hormones that signal to our bodies to prepare to be alert and respond to the situation at hand.This involves faster and shallower breathing, a racing heart, feeling hot and flushed, trembling hands and chest tightness. You may notice behaviours that involve confronting situations and being assertive. When we let the emotion of anger get the best of us we can sometimes lose control and raise our voice, say mean things and become physically aggressive towards objects of people.

Anger occurs on a continuum. We don’t just jump from no or little anger to a lot of anger. Rather, there are different intensities in which we feel angry - like rungs on a ladder.

Why Do We Feel Angry?

Anger is actually a protective emotion. It alerts us to something in our environment that we find threatening or unfair and can give us the energy to address the problem. For example, feeling angry when someone disrespects us can motivate us to stand up for ourselves.

However, while anger can serve a helpful purpose, it can also be triggered by misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or negative thought patterns. Often, the intensity of our anger is connected not just to the situation itself but also to how we interpret and react to it.

Common Triggers of Anger

Anger can arise in many situations, but some common triggers include:

• Feeling disrespected: When someone ignores our needs or belittles us.

• Unmet expectations: When things don’t go the way we planned or hoped.

• Perceived injustice: When we witness or experience something we believe is unfair or wrong.

• Stress and frustration: When we’re already feeling overwhelmed, even small setbacks can spark anger.

Recognising what tends to trigger your anger is an important step toward managing it.

Unhelpful Ways to Handle Anger

Anger, especially when intense, can lead us to react in ways that may feel good in the moment but cause harm in the long run. Some common unhelpful responses include:

• Explosive outbursts: Yelling, throwing things, or lashing out physically or verbally may provide temporary relief but often leads to guilt, damaged relationships, or even regret.

• Bottling up anger: Some people avoid expressing their anger, thinking it’s best to keep it inside. However, suppressed anger often builds up over time and can lead to physical and emotional issues like stress, anxiety, or resentment.

• Passive-aggression: Instead of addressing anger directly, some people express it in subtle, indirect ways, like giving the silent treatment or making sarcastic remarks. This can create confusion and further strain relationships.

Healthy Ways to Manage Anger

Managing anger doesn’t mean ignoring it—it’s about finding ways to express and process it in a way that’s healthy and constructive. Here are some strategies to help you manage your anger:

1. Pause and Reflect

When you feel anger rising, take a moment to pause. This could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths or counting to 10. Pausing helps you cool down and gives you time to think about how you want to respond rather than reacting impulsively.

2. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Recognize and name what you're feeling. Saying to yourself, "I'm feeling angry because I felt disrespected" helps you clarify the root of your anger. This also gives you a better chance to respond appropriately rather than letting the emotion control you.

3. Identify the Source

Ask yourself: What triggered this anger? Is it something specific in the current situation, or is it tied to something deeper (like past experiences or unmet needs)? Understanding the source of your anger can help you respond more thoughtfully.

4. Express Your Anger Constructively

It’s important to communicate your feelings in a calm and respectful manner. You might say something like, “I felt upset when you interrupted me because it seemed like my opinion wasn’t being valued.” Expressing your anger assertively, rather than aggressively, helps you address the issue without escalating the conflict.

5. Take a Break

Sometimes, the best way to manage anger is to step away from the situation. Taking a walk, doing a calming activity, or practicing deep breathing exercises can help reduce the intensity of your anger. Once you feel calmer, you can approach the situation with a clearer mindset.

6. Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

Anger is often fueled by negative or irrational thoughts. If you’re thinking, “This always happens to me” or “No one ever listens to me,” try to challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” or “Am I overgeneralizing the situation?” Reframing your thinking can help reduce the intensity of your anger.

7. Engage in Physical Activity

Physical movement can be a great way to release pent-up anger. Whether it’s going for a run, practicing yoga, or even punching a pillow, physical activity can help relieve the physical tension that often accompanies anger.

8. Develop Long-Term Coping Strategies

Managing anger isn’t just about calming down in the moment—it’s also about finding ways to reduce stress and frustration in your daily life. Consider activities like mindfulness meditation, journaling, or talking to a therapist as long-term strategies to help keep anger in check.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you find that your anger is interfering with your life, relationships, or work, it might be time to seek professional support. Anger management therapy can help you understand the underlying causes of your anger and provide you with practical tools to manage it more effectively.

Final Thoughts

Anger is a natural and normal emotion, but how we handle it makes all the difference. By learning to recognise your triggers, pausing before reacting, and expressing your anger in a healthy way, you can gain more control over your emotions and improve your relationships and overall well-being.

If you’re struggling with anger or finding it difficult to manage on your own, we’re here to help. Our clinic offers support and tools to guide you through anger management in a way that promotes a healthier, more balanced life.