What Is Stress?

Stress is an emotion we feel when the demands or pressures in our life seem greater than our capacity to manage them. It’s our mind and body’s way of alerting us: something needs attention.

Stress often brings physical sensations (like a racing heart or tense muscles), emotional reactions (like overwhelm or irritability), and changes in thinking (such as worry or self-doubt). While uncomfortable, stress is an important emotion with a helpful purposeful—it motivates us to respond, take action, and restore balance.

Why Do We Feel Stressed?

Stress arises when our brain detects a perceived threat, pressure, or imbalance. These threats might be:

• External: workload, conflict, financial pressure, life changes, a never ending “to do” list.

• Internal: harsh self-criticism, unrealistic expectations, unresolved emotions.

Importantly, stress is not always bad. In fact, it exists for a reason.

What Does Stress Tell Us?

Stress is trying to get our attention. It is an internal signal that may be saying:

• You are doing too much and need to slow down.

• Something feels unsafe or uncertain.

• You care deeply about something.

• You need more support, rest, or boundaries.

Listening to stress can help us recognise where we are stretched too thin—and where we need to make adjustments.

How Stress Can Motivate Us

Stress serves an important purpose. It motivates us to:

• Meet responsibilities and ease the demands we’re under

• Problem-solve and address the sources of pressure

• Prioritise self-care to buffer the impact of what we’re carrying

But when stress becomes chronic or too intense, it can start to wear us down—affecting our mood, sleep, relationships, and physical health.

The Stress Cup: An Illustration

A helpful way to visualise stress is through the Stress Cup metaphor.

Imagine each of us has an invisible cup inside us. The size of our cup differs—some people naturally cope with more stress than others due to personality (perfectionism, self-criticsm), trauma history, health, or current life demands.

The Taps: Stressors That Fill the Cup

Each "tap" represents a source of stress that pours into our cup:

• Work or study demands

• Financial pressure

• Relationship conflict

• Health problems

• Legal situations

• Life changes

The more taps turned on, the faster your cup fills. If too many taps are running—or if they’ve been left running for too long—your cup overflows. This is when we feel burned out, anxious, overwhelmed, sad, flat or shut down.

Managing Stress: Turning Off Taps & Poking Holes in the Cup

1. Turn Off the Taps — Reduce Stressors

Ask: What’s adding unnecessary pressure?

This might involve:

• Saying no to an extra commitment

• Delegating tasks at work or at home

• Letting go of perfectionism or unrealistic standards

• Stepping back from toxic relationships or social media

• Taking a break from constant productivity

Reducing even a few taps can slow the overflow and help you regain control.

2. Poke Holes in the Cup — Release Stress

This is where self-care comes in. Poking holes in the cup helps stress to flow out.

Daily and consistent self-care is how we recover, regulate, and recharge. These "holes" might look like:

• Deep breathing or guided mindfulness

• Talking with a friend who truly listens

• Gentle exercise or a walk in nature

• Nourishing food and adequate hydration

• Time away from screens or responsibilities

• Journalling or creating something

• Restorative sleep

• Spiritual practices or prayer
  

The Self-Care Pyramid

Not all self-care is equal. Think of it like a pyramid—some self-care needs to happen daily, some weekly, and others just a few times a year.

Explore a Self-Care Pyramid Template:
Here are some helpful links where you can download or create your own pyramid:

• Self-Care Pyramid (PDF template)

• Create Your Own Self-Care Plan

• Self-Care Assessment Tool

Consider filling it in with:

• Daily: meals, movement, quiet time

• Weekly: social time, hobbies, nature

• Monthly: therapy, reflective journaling, creative projects

• Bi-annually/Annually: holidays, retreats, big-picture reflection
  

Final Thoughts

Stress is a normal part of life—but it doesn’t have to control your life. By listening to what your stress is telling you, turning off unnecessary taps, and building in regular self-care, you can reduce overwhelm and move toward balance.

If your stress cup feels like it’s always full or overflowing, speaking with a therapist can help. At Inner Clinical Psychology, we’re here to help you build coping strategies that fit you—your cup, your taps, and your life.

You don’t have to manage it alone.